You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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