whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
