He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
