My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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