I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just cropdusted the office
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
