As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
