I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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