Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
