a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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