i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
