I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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