I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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