No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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