no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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