i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
