i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize