Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
