WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
