your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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