so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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