The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
