And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize