im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
