DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
