I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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