i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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