how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
