I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize