i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
