My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
