she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
