party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize