I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
