You just made me feel so damn special
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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