my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
