Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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