the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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