i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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