Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
