Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
