she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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