Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
