is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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