tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just want nice things and good sex
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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