Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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