i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize