are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
