My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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