I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Text me some of your sweat
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize