Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
