Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
