my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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