i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
