your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
