She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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