pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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