you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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