i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
