I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize