They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
