"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
