Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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