I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize