I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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