Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
