the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
