Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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