Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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