I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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