Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
