i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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