Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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